I made a compact with the language-demons in
my head some time ago, and one of its conditions was that I'd write
and post a dirty limerick about any friend of mine who asked me for
one. (If you'd like one of your own, drop me a line.) Here's what
I've got so far.
A collector of naked librarians
Puts the rarin' in Abada-cerians.
"Do me in Dewey Dec-
imal order," says Jess-
amyn--queen among egalitarians. (3/3/03)
The doxies devoted to Sara
Are hetero-, ortho- and para-:
Lefty jobs, righteous bands,
Girls who speak with their hands,
And occasional boys in mascara. (2/23/03)
Said the Petrograd student to Anya,
Theorizing with her in the bania:
"If you fancy a go,
Then I'd love to Foucault,
But if not, I won't try to Lacan ya." (2/12/03)
Smooching scenery-chewers, Alexis
Prompts verfremdungseffekt as she flexes:
"You'll be called for your part--
You may want to cathart,
But I'm still working up my cathexis." (2/9/03)
An indie webmaster named Jen
Collects singles--both vinyl and men.
When she's ready to pop,
Her commands are nonstop:
"Go-Between these, and Bis me again." (2/7/03)
City celibates seeking romance,
Take your cue from director Gurantz:
Since she moved to Port Gibson,
She gets to have dibs on
Her pick of too-hot-to-burn schvantz. (2/7/03)
A stargazing blogger named Lauren
Would flood when a beau put his oar in.
The sturdy young skipper
Who lapped her Big Dipper
Announced "it ain't rain, but it's pourin'." (2/1/03)
A reporter in training named Bruder,
As she buried the lede of her suitor,
Cried out: "Dash 30 dash--
I'd continue to pash,
But my ethics demand I stay neuter." (2/1/03)
The clothes a designer designed
Exposed her in front and behind.
"I've found," she declared,
"when a Goodman is bared,
that a hard man is easy to find."
The sound engineer Bustamante
Found her studio's gear-box picante.
She attempted to mate
With a Shure 58
And recorded herself in flagrante.
A girlfriend of Mr. Mandel
Likes to slather his privates with Quell.
He's got nits on his nads
From old typewriter pads,
But he'd rather be shaved by the belle.
In bed, a grad student named Klein
Would confuse signifier and sign.
Shown a "phallus" (in text),
She became highly sexed:
"I'm not in the mood to decline."
A mix-CD mixer named Matos
Made collectible records his vatos.
He piled colored wax
Into seven-inch stacks,
Then buggered the vinyl mulattos.
Awaking, a hunk turned a strophe
And sang, "I just bedded Ms. Brophy!"
Her 45 tat
Made the tackle get fat,
But she took home the bait as a trophy.
A Goth violinist named Mer
Had outrageously dense pubic hair.
"Is that a chinchilla?
It floats my flotilla,"
Said boys whose hands wandered down there.